Chuck Norris Meme Generator
Your nan doesn't use a jar opener. She looks at the jar, and the jar opens. She is 84 and has never once asked for help with a lid, a bin bag or a man from the council.
The man by the squat rack doesn't warm up. The weights warm up. Last week he dropped a dumbbell and the floor apologised.
Your PE teacher ran the cross-country course in jeans, holding a clipboard and a cup of tea, and lapped the entire year group. The tea was still hot at the finish. Nobody has ever seen him sit down.
Your dad doesn't use satnav. The roads simply rearrange themselves in front of the Volvo. He has never been lost, only "taking the scenic route", for three hours, past the same garden centre.
Why it caught on: Chuck Norris, the martial artist and star of Walker, Texas Ranger, became the subject of "Chuck Norris facts" from 2005: absurd boasts about his toughness, collected on Ian Spector's fan site. Everyone knows someone who seems that indestructible, and Norris played along with a book of the facts himself.
Best Chuck Norris posts
- I don't call the wrong number / You answer the wrong phone
- I won the WORLD SERIES OF POKER / USING POKEMON CARDS
- I lost my virginity / Before my dad
- I killed an hour / literally
- When Alexander Bell Invented the telephone / He had 11 missed calls from Chuck Norris
- Jesus Christ can walk on water / But I can swim through land
- chuck norrris will strangle you / with a cordless phone
- I used to think myself as a weak person / until an arrow shattered itself on my knee
- throws one bird / kills two stones
- I threw a grenade and killed 50 people / And then the grenade exploded
- Pictured below: / A typical Ukrainian Soldier
- When i have a birthday / the candles blow me
- chuck norris doesn't turn on the shower / he stares at it until it starts to cry
- Once kicked a horse in the jaw / its descendants are now known as giraffes
- wHEN CHUCK NORRIES POKES YOU ON FACEBOOK / yOU CAN FEEL IT
- rubbed two ice cubes together / got fire
- Kids pee in snow / Chuck norris pees in concrete
- The dinossaurs meesed with me / once.
- PLAY RUSSIAN ROULETTEwith all bullets loaded / i still win
- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer / Too bad he has never cried